Raising Kids Without Cousins Nearby

In 2017, a family moved over 600 kilometers (nearly 400 miles) away from their previous life and extended family. This relocation placed significant distance between their children and their only cousins. The children, now ages 9 and 11, are growing up without the daily proximity to relatives that the parents experienced in the 1990s.

Instead of constant interaction, the cousins now see each other only twice a year, usually in the summer and fall. This geographic reality has shaped the children's understanding of belonging. However, the move also prompted the formation of strong local bonds. Living in a small town, the children have invested deeply in friendships, treating them with the same weight as family ties. The author observes that these relationships are built on consistency and effort rather than genetics. Ultimately, the experience has forced a redefinition of family, moving away from a strict definition of blood and proximity toward one based on active construction through trust and shared time.

The decision to move in 2017 separated the family from a network of friends and relatives. What the author hadn't fully considered was the impact on their children's relationships with their cousins. The family lives nearly 400 miles away from the children's uncle and his family. Consequently, the children no longer participate in the daily lives of their cousins, seeing them only a few times annually.

These relationships are particularly significant because these are the children's only cousins. The author's daughter and her cousin, who is one year older, were previously "joined at the hip" during the first two years of her life. The author's son and his cousin were both under a year old when the family moved. The absence of impromptu sleepovers and Sunday family dinners has fundamentally altered how the children perceive family dynamics.

Winter driving conditions often make holiday visits difficult, limiting contact to summer and fall trips. The author notes that while it is "no one's fault, it's just geography," the situation is starkly different from their own upbringing. The children sometimes express sadness or a vague sense of missing out, asking why they cannot see their cousins more often or commenting on how quickly visits end. Occasionally, they request to FaceTime or message their cousins to maintain the connection.

Without a built-in peer group from extended family, friendships have taken on a different weight in the children's lives. The author observes that, despite their youth, the children invest deeply in these connections, viewing friends as distinct and permanent rather than interchangeable. The children appear to be building relationships that mirror the bonds they might have had with cousins had the family remained nearby.

The author's daughter spends hours creating jewelry and macramé projects for her friends. Meanwhile, the author's son plays with the same group of neighborhood children almost every day. These are friends with whom they spend entire afternoons, feel comfortable disagreeing with, and consider part of their inner circle.

Living in a small town has facilitated these bonds. The environment allows for frequent, casual encounters at locations such as:

• School
• The beach
• The skate park
• The grocery store
• The ski hill

This constant familiarity ensures that friendships do not remain superficial and allows them to develop quickly into meaningful connections.

Raising children without cousins nearby has compelled the author to rethink the definition of family. Previously, the author viewed family as a fixed network defined by blood and proximity. However, watching the children grow up has revealed that family can be something actively built through consistency, trust, and shared time, rather than genetics alone.

The author admits that the absence of relatives still stings, particularly during holidays. There is a sense of imagining how loud and chaotic the house would feel if cousins were present. There is also uncertainty about whether the children will eventually wish they had the author's type of childhood or if they will barely think about it.

Despite this, there is something grounding in the version of family the children are learning. They are coming to understand that relationships require effort and that closeness is not automatic. The lesson is that people become important through consistency and care, not merely because they share a last name.