Parenting Coach Shares Strategy for Shopping Without Meltdowns

Shopping with young children often leads to requests for toys and treats, creating potential for meltdowns. A parenting coach and founder of Parenting on Mars, Rachael Fritz, has developed a strategy to navigate these situations without conflict.

Her approach centers on three main techniques: showing genuine interest in a child's excitement, taking photos of desired items, and following through on those photos for future gift ideas. This method shifts the focus from denial to connection, helping children feel heard and seen. By using the photos for birthdays or when grandparents ask for gift ideas, parents build trust in the process.

The strategy also includes setting clear expectations when purchases are allowed, using phrases like 'You can get something, but you can't get everything.' This approach fosters cooperation and maintains a peaceful shopping environment.

For many parents, a simple errand can quickly turn into a battleground. A trip to the hardware store with a 6- and 4-year-old can shift from a novel experience to a struggle over toy displays. The founder of Parenting on Mars, Rachael Fritz, describes this dynamic as needing the skills of a "professional hostage negotiator."

As a mother of three and former preschool teacher, Fritz realized that the key to cooperation is genuine connection. When children show excitement about an item, she views it as a "goldmine of opportunity." Instead of simply acknowledging the request, the goal is to join in the excitement.

She advises parents to dip your toe in the excitement. This means engaging with the child's interest authentically. For example, a parent might say, "No way! I can totally see why you love this. Oh and look, it lights up!" This validates the child's interest and builds the connection necessary for cooperation.

The cornerstone of Fritz's method is a simple tradition: taking pictures of the items her children want in stores. What began as a way to remember birthday wishes has become a steadfast routine. The act of snapping a photo signals to the child that their interest is valued.

Once the photo is taken, children typically move on from the immediate desire to purchase. They feel heard and seen, and the anxiety of "losing" the item disappears. The photo represents a promise that the interest is remembered for a later time.

This technique works because it removes the immediate power struggle. The child's brain does not have to fight to have the item now because the desire has been documented and preserved. It communicates that the parent is willing to make an effort to remember what they like.

Taking the photo is only the first step; the impact comes from follow-through. Fritz emphasizes that children give "major bonus points" when parents actually use the photos during gift-giving occasions. This builds essential trust in the process.

When grandparents or other family members ask for gift ideas, the photos in the camera roll become an easy resource. There is no need to type out lists or search for links. The parent simply forwards the images. The child notices that the parent remembered and cared enough to keep the record.

Over time, the child learns that the parent is reliable. They come to understand that the photo isn't just a distraction tactic, but a genuine tool for future gifting. This reliability reinforces the relationship and makes future denials easier to accept.

While connection is vital, clear boundaries are equally important. Fritz adopts a specific phrase for moments when she does agree to buy something: "You can get something, but you can't get everything."

After establishing that a purchase is possible, the parent must immediately define the limits of that "something." For example, the parent might clarify that the item must be something to fidget with or a treat for dessert. This prevents the child from asking for every item they see.

Even with this flexibility, parents must be prepared to say "no." When the answer is no, the response should be firm but kind, followed by the photo strategy: "No. Not today, love. But I'll take a picture!" This maintains boundaries while preserving the connection.